No Parking, No Standing, & No Halloween

 

Hello again art lovers!

I hope you’ve all had a good week thus far.

This week I’m doing something different.  I wrote this funny little story on a cold, wet day last february while residentially challenged.  Every time I read the tale I get the giggles and  it reminds me of  stories like “The Night before Christmas” and “A Clockwork Orange”.  Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. 


“No Parking, No Standing & No Halloween”

Once upon a time there was a guy named Pete.

He was mild-mannered since he gave up the drink.

In fact, it had been quite a long while.

Since then he had gained a cat, wife, and child.

Anyway, Halloween drew close.

It was awfully near,

So Pete beat the streets and had a few beers.

There was a neighborhood with big houses and people behind where he lived.

Excited, he wondered what kind of treats they would give.

Candy corn and caramel apples danced in his head, but when he entered the neighborhood, there were no decorations, the place was dead.

Pete was awfully angry, he wanted to scream.

There were scores of signs which read,

“NO PARKING, NO STANDING, AND NO HALLOWEEN!”

There were signs warning, “NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH!”

Their safes were all safe and everything was locked.

These people were scared.  Pete didn’t know what about.

They didn’t want Halloween.  TRICKR’R TREATERS stay out!

“Why these bastards, these jerks, these twerps, these creeps!  Who in the hell doesn’t love Halloween?”

The day finally came.  It was all Hallow’s Eve.

Some time had went past, but Pete was still peeved.  

He was alone, so he went out to celebrate.  

He drank beer, vodka, then whiskey until it was awfully late.

Pete headed for home, but then had an idea.  

He would visit the neighbors and play on their fear.

He spay painted phallus’ on streets and on signs, on lamp posts and on long cement drives.

These phallus’ were huge, much bigger than mine!

Pete hit the whole neighborhood, house by house.

He was sly as a fox and quiet as a mouse.

When Pete finally came to the spree’s end,

He wiped his brow with a glove and gave a big grin.

The next morning though, Pete remembered and was terribly scared, but after a while he knew there was nothing to fear.

He was lucky.  Pete wasn’t at all sick and he let out a hearty belly laugh at the thought of his trick.

What Pete did was terrible and really pretty mean, but now those big people back there had a reason to hate Halloween.


no_watercolor


For information and availability concerning the piece above, or information on my current selection of art, feel free to contact me via my website. 

 Until next time, have a happy Halloween.

ckirk4

CKirk

⇑⊕ ckirkart.com ⊕⇓


Neighbors & Fleas Give Life To Cartoonish Rage

Hello again dear readers,

I was looking at my watercolors from last year and in desperation decided to try to reproduce the carefully placed rudimentary brush strokes that made them so loved by the masses.  I’m not sure if I succeeded but I did create something that is an honest reflection of the last few months of my life.  I feel like I should make a hand-written note and encase it in plexiglass along with the watercolor in order to present them both as some sort of stylish diptych.  

The note would discus the woes of listening to coke riddled advice, power-lifting through injuries, peace-loving spinsters who talk too much, feed rodents and can’t tolerate the early afternoon playfulness of children.  My cautionary tale would also go over an elderly obese psycho with a sweaty vagina and the tribulations of flea infestation.  Don’t fret readers.  I will not discuss the gory details of the eclectic, horrifying topics I mentioned in the above sentences but I will direct your attention to the autobiographical watercolor below.

Perhaps the work is visceral  enough that you won’t need an explanation.  

Then again, maybe it’s not as potent as I believe it to be.

neighbors_fleas

“Neighbors & Fleas”

15 x 11″, watercolor, graphite & micron pen on 140lb. acid-free watercolor paper, 2014

IMG_9586

Until next time,

ckirk

ckirkart.com